Engaged in a State of Limbo
Posted by Jon , Monday, July 11, 2011 2:12 PM
Ever get the feeling that life’s been put on pause? It’s a reality that I’ve become rather familiar with over the past year. Obviously, things haven’t come to a complete standstill; it’s not a Sky Plus-esque pause, it’s something altogether more jumpy, like a well-loved videotape. This may appear odd to an observer, given the number of life landmarks that have come my way in the last twelve months. First job, house and car, University graduation, City even won a trophy; in the majority of cases these are notable developments.
But none define who I am, and nor do I ever desire them to do so.
One of the main things that does shape me, my relationship with Michelle, save occasional opportunities to press play, has been in freeze frame since July last year. This is not to say we have not grown as a couple (far from it!), more that we have found ourselves in a constant, at times infuriating state of limbo that is a trans-Atlantic engagement.
Fear not, I’m not embarking on a whine; you can put the cheeseboard away. I truly feel like I’m the luckiest man on the planet. To have all that I do, and everything that I have to look forward to, at twenty-three, is nothing short of miraculous. But it’s that I know what’s around the corner that is preventing me living for the moment. I’ve never been the most patient person; staying in bed until 7am on Christmas morning seemed like torture until I was about nine (teen), but this is a whole new level. Knowing that I will never have to say goodbye to Michelle again after the moment I walk through the Memphis Airport arrivals gate in August has made the nine months since our engagement seem like one long night before the wedding. And we’re both a bit fed up of it!
In my heart, and head for that matter, Michelle is already my wife. What seems like all (but, worryingly, probably nearer a quarter) of her clothes are in her wardrobe in our newly decorated bedroom, along with pictures of her family and friends. As I write this, I can see why I’ve struggled to live in the present recently. It’s not because I’m lamenting Michelle’s absence, it’s just like I’m eight years old again, consumed by excitement and anticipation, restlessly counting down the hours until Christmas can begin. Genesis 2 talks about marriage in terms of man and woman becoming “one flesh” - one person - which goes a long way to helping me articulate this sense of limbo: My other half’s 4,000 miles away.
But only for six more weeks. Present, here I come!
J
Well this was a lovely post and I really do sympathize. Engagements are tortuous no matter the distance or separation. I am excited for you both and am thankful that you will have this blog so that the crazy Wimberlys can still feel a part of the family. :)